Have a situation that you would like to know how Jack or Chuck would handle? Well you came to the right place. Drop us an email and we can help you out.

(We here at Jack VS Chuck have received quite a few requests for solutions to problems only JB or CN could handle. We have been roundhousing our way through the emails, check back by the end of the week and we will have all the answers you are looking for...)

 

 
 

Dear Jack VS Chuck,

I am a college student and my roommate never cleans up his side of the room. It is disgusting. He lives on the side of the room closest to the door so not only do I have to see (and smell) his mess I have to walk through it to get to my bed. I have asked him in the past to clean up. I have even cleaned some of it myself, but I refuse to be his maid. How can I get him to keep the place somewhat clean?

Jared, WI

Dear Jared,

This is what Jack Bauer would do:

First Jack Bauer would make a visit to his roommate's hometown. He would take high zoom black and white photos of his roommate's family, including the dog. Upon getting back to school he would advise his roommate it is in his family's best interest for him to clean up his half of the room within an hour, then drop a manila envelope with the photos in it on his bed.

This would be Jack's first and only warning. If the room were not cleaned within an hour, Jack would use the following 23 hours to make sure his roommate understood the severity of his lack of action.

Jack Bauer would hide in the closet awaiting the return of his roommate. When his roommate walks in the room Jack would throw a bag over his head and tie him to a chair. He would shoot his roommate in both kneecaps and threaten to cut off each of his fingers unless he cleaned up the room.

This is what Chuck Norris would do:

Chuck Norris would administer several roundhouse kicks to the head for each minute that his roommate refused to clean up his half of the room.

Either approch should work. Good Luck.

 
 

Dear JVC,

I recently graduated college and just received my first job. My question is; I am still young and have a lot of bills to pay, including student loans, what is the best way for me to pay down my debt yet still save for retirement?

Billy, NY

Dear Billy, thanks for you question.

This is what Jack Bauer Would do:

Within the next 24 hours, Jack Bauer would go deep into hiding and assume a different identity. Under this new identity he would get a low profile-medium paying job, most likely a cash business to keep the paper trail to a minimum. He would also find a really hot and freakishly understanding woman to move in with. This aggressive approach to retirement funding is high risk but high reward. Not only does it allow for a fresh start to wipe your new identity of any previous debts, it also involves sexing up a woman.

This is what Chuck Norris would do:

Chuck Norris would open a company funded 401k, paying into it only to point that his company matches. He would take advantage of his lower tax bracket to make after tax investments in various money market accounts and high yield C.D.s. He would consolidate his debt to take advantage of lower interest rates, and at the same time would use the rest of his discretionary income to pay down the debt as soon as possible.